Twas the evening of Christmas, and out on the stoop
Sat Ethos the teetotaller, an unabashed poop.
The spiced cider was of no interest to him,
Nor the eggnog (flavoured with Beam o' the Jim).

Far, far away, in a more moderate clime
Montok the Recluse patiently marked the time.
A few hours more is all he'd have to endure
Of Cousins and Uncles--of this he was sure.

For the passage of time, swift as it could go,
Was winging these fools to the world's greatest show!
Aboard bus and in car--their transportations of choice--
Through wind and through rain; through snow and through ice.

Between this solemn pair of dunces supreme
Lusipurr resides, eating strawberries and cream.
Outside the wind howls, but inside all is swell
And very soon there'll be slaughter in Capture Point: Well.*

The Montok, he faces an hours-long drive,
Hoping to come out of the challenge alive.
Ethos preferrs public transportation,
Even for travel from nation to nation.

He's sure to arrive covered in a tramp's vomit
Whilst Montok flies across state lines like a comet.
Montok will be no better off, though--
He'll have to drive in that unknown thing: snow.

When these two fools arrive with many a bruise
Lusipurr will take them on a scenic cruise
To see where Lusi played when he was small:
Rochester proper and Meadowbrook Hall.

Then, after what seems an interminable wait
A dinner and drinks will be their fate.
Kruse and Muir in the city will provide ample fare
As long as they have some nice clothes to wear.

Repairing to the Castle, they'll tremble and quake
For Lusipurr's driving makes the Earth shake.
Once arrived and debarked, there will be gin & tonics
And a ball gag to prevent Montok's histrionics.

Late into the night, when the evening ends,
To bed they'll retire, these three fine friends--
Not together, I hasten to add without doubt;
For a threesome with these two boobs is right out.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS.

*(Capture Point: Well (CP-Well) is Lusipurr's favourite Team Fortress 2 map.)