A hackneyed fanfic featuring gushy descriptions of a love triangle between three main characters from Square's Final Fantasy VII ended predictably early last Thursday morning, much to the chagrin of reader Anthony Phillips, 20. "I've read my share of these things in my time, so I know how it usually goes," he sighed, idly considering whether or not to finish writing the term paper he had been putting off while reading the written material.

According to Phillips, there are two possibilities for such love stories: "Either you get a situation like in "The Stars In Your Eyes", where the predictable love story from the game is written out in painfully sappy detail, or it ends up being a completely unbelievable matchup, like Sephiroth and Cloud in "SOLDIER Love". I mean, come on. Where in that game does it look like Cloud is gay, except maybe if you have to date Barrett?"

Fanfic author Penelope Martinique, when reached for comment, was disdainful of Phillips' outlook on the genre. She dismissed his comments as "the stupid rantings of a loser with no attention span", arguing that fanfics weren't about realism, but seeing to the soul of the story, or at least the unspoken possibilities made inevitable by the tension inherent in any respectable game. "I think it's wonderful that someone was able to express the quiet love shared by Aeris and Barrett, even if it wasn't immediately obvious from the game," she said. "It was perfectly lovely when Barrett looked into her liquid blue eyes and surrendered himself hotly to her burning desire," she added, lapsing into an actual quotation from a fanfic she had printed out earlier in the day as she looked dreamily off into space.

Phillips, for his part, admits he is an outsider to the genre, having no interest in the stories except when absolutely necessary as a means of avoiding gainful employment. Still, he insists the writing is below the standard any reasonable person should have to endure, and plans on writing a hilarious spoof just to show other fanfic writers "who knows the score." Phillips' preliminary plans for the story include a crossover featuring characters from Final Fantasy VIII, and the long-running 1980s sitcom, Who's the Boss. .